Our little Sawyer is one year old. This time last year we were still with him in the hospital which was one of the most wonderful, quickly turned to one of the hardest weeks of our lives. Some of you may remember that story, if not, I won't get into all the details because the important thing is that we had this beautiful, healthy, perfect little boy to bring home to Ben. These two. They kill me.
To say that Ben adores his little brother is the understatement of the century. I can't convey in pictures or words what these two have going on. It's the best thing ever. I am so proud of Ben for being so sweet and loving towards Sawyer. My sweet boys. The best little people ever.
Just like his big brother, he has silly perma-bedhead. He's funny and sweet and loves to snuggle. He's moving everywhere, and he's furiously trying to walk. I am so excited to see these two running around together this summer.
Tomorrow we will have a small get together to celebrate this guy. We are so happy he's one of us :)
Three. Today our sweet Ben is officially three years old. I know every mother in the world is always saying the same thing, but I can't BELIEVE how fast this went. Please, please slow down time!
The day Ben was born, everything changed. Our hearts literally exploded with love for him. I remember being so terrified when I was pregnant, the entire time. Terrified. It just was unimaginable to me, being a Mom. Having this third person around, all the time. But, as those same moms are always saying, it was the best thing that ever happened to us. When I'm old and grey and looking back on my life, Benjamin (and Sawyer, but this is a Ben post) will be what brought so much sunshine to our lives. Billy and I were happy before he came along, but I don't think we knew just how happy we could really be in life until we laid our eyes on his tiny face.
When I think about holding him for the first time, rocking him to sleep all those nights, watching all of his firsts, ugh, SOB. I could just ball my eyes out. Every day he surprises me, impresses me, (drives me mental), and kills me with his sweetness.
Seeing him now, as a brother, is something I could have never prepared myself for or imagined. He LOVES Sawyer. Like, it's ridiculous. If hes upset or having a bad moment, he just has to remember Sawyer is there and then all is forgotten, and he just wants to kiss him. It's too much sweetness, and it's the best thing in the world.
Benjamin is our gentle little soul. He's the most kind, loving person in the world. He loves to have a 'nice hug', and loves to hold hands and snuggle. He is so smart it scares me, and equally cheeky (just like his Dad...and maybe his Mom too...).
We adore him more than we will ever, ever be able to express. Happy third birthday, our sweet sweet Benjamin. Thank you for being such an amazing kid. <3
Earlier we had friends and family get together to celebrate Ben turning three (THREE!!!) years old. The weather was supposed to be horrific but turned out not too shabby. Cool but no rain, so we can't complain. Such a fun day!
The four of us in a photo together...this never happens!
This picture seriously warms my heart. Little children holding hands and running through a field is the best thing you can ever see happen in real life. And when one of them is your own little one, no less. Ugh, my heart!!!!
Spoiled rotten, yes he was. But very very grateful for all of it, I promise!
Was it a Thomas cake? Of course it was!
Selfies with my mom and boys, the best kind of selfie!
After everyone left we stayed a bit and Ben played in, well, the dirt for a while. But I couldn't complain, he was pretty into that dirt.
Thank you SO much to everyone who joined us, Ben was over the moon! We are so lucky to be surrounded but such cool people.
And here is proof that Ben had a thoroughly fun and tiring day. Dirty knees and all. <3
Over the next few days, Sawyer will be three months old, and Ben will be three years old. YEARS. How on earth we got through three years so quickly I'll never know. Is it weird that I still feel like a new mom? Where's all my mom wisdom? When do I get really good at this?
Being a Mom has been the best thing that ever happened to me, but if I'm being honest, it's been really, really hard for me too. I always wanted to be that mom sitting on the floor singing songs with her babies in a cute dress looking great and wearing lipstick. Ya, no. We sing a lot in this house, but the rest isn't quite so cute. Not on most days anyway. I wear leggings (aka the new track pants) 24/7 and there is always, always baby spit up on my shoulder. And there is lipstick in this house somewhere, but Ben's hidden it on me. I miss you Ruby Woo.
I feel like it will always be a learning process. Every day something new to figure out. Having two is especially tricky. I mean, how on earth do moms get their babies to sleep with crazy three year olds running around playing with their super loud fire truck toy? And why does Ben always always want to play with his musical instruments when Sawyer is finally starting to settle? ALWAYSSSS.
Obstacles aside, having these two boys is such a special thing. I want so badly to be a good mom to them, and many days I fail miserably. But I'm trying, so maybe that's enough? Is that all any parent is ever doing?
One of the biggest things that I've learned is that our expectations of parenthood are so completely different than the reality, and you can never prepare yourself for it. You just have to throw yourself in and see what happens. And never ever ever get yourself into the mindset that being a parent will look like it does in magazines or on blogs or on tv. So much of what we see doesn't represent the real day to day life with little ones. I wish it did! I wish I had time to wash and blowdry my hair on ALL THE DAYS. I wish Billy and I could take off to Toronto and see concerts and drink beer until the wee hours like we used to. But there will be a time for that again. I wish that life looked like the videos on Love Taza. Man those people are doing is ALL right. (Or so it seems, of course). At least she has lipstick on!
Billy and I actually had a really good long talk about this earlier and it was such a good reminder of the fact that we still have time for so much! There are stages to life and not every can happen in every stage. Right now our time is focused on getting these little boys through their first few years. But things will change, and we will have our independence again, and we will miss this time terribly.
And so. For now, we focus on our little family, trying to keep everyone healthy and happy and connected. Trying to soak up these quick years with the two kindest little souls we've ever known. And trying to be the best parents we can be.
Anyway, I'm getting all weepy thinking about how old Ben is and how I'll never rock him to sleep again and how soon he will stop letting me kiss him 563284 times a day. Birthdays are weird when it's your own kid! So I guess I better put the laptop away and get back to stuffing loot bags for the kids who are coming to celebrate with him. I'm hoping loot bags haven't changed so much that they're expecting iPhones or something. Sorry kids, you're getting the same dollar store crap that I got and loved as a child. ;)
