No more bullies. A pledge.

The other day I posted about the Amanda Todd story, and my own experiences with bullying. It turns out that I have a little more to say on the subject. 

Amanda is one of many kids who have been victimized by this and have been paralyzed by the fear brought on by a bully. It's happening all the time. Not every situation leads to the same horrifying outcome, but there are still kids all over the place going through this right now. That thought made me feel so helpless. How can I do anything about it? I really can't, and many people can't because so much of it goes unnoticed.

What's more is that it's not just kids and teenagers who are suffering. Bullies are all over the grown up world too. They're everywhere. At work, at home, in families, you name it. And you know what? I'm sick of it.

Personally, I haven't had to deal directly with a bully since those middle school days. But the bullying I've seen, when I think about it, has never ended. 

I worked for a company once with a Manager who was, in a word, a bully. This person would use fear tactics and confrontation to control situations and keep everyone 'in line'. People were filled with terrible anxiety all the time, and would fear getting aggressive emails, or worse still, 'surprise' meetings which often led to unwarranted terminations. Everyone was scared to say anything, so it continued. I should have done something. I regret letting it continue.

I have a friend who recently left a relationship with someone who controlled her every move, made her feel small and self-conscious in order to keep her right where he felt she belonged. She was made to feel like there was no place for her to go, and that she was to be a quiet, obedient wife to him, regardless of his treatment of her. That's bullying. And she refused to let it go on any longer (SO PROUD OF HER).

People of all ages and in all walks of life are finding themselves in these situations and don't know how to get out of them. And they can be so many different scenarios. Men with wives who are bullies. Seniors who have care-givers who are bullies. It's everywhere.

Thinking about all of this, the helpless feeling comes back. And I've been thinking about that for days now, trying to find some way I can feel like maybe I'm helping in some small way. 

So, for now, I've decided one thing I can do is to make a little pledge, and ask if anyone out there will join me in this. This is a list of promises that I am making to ensure that I don't let any bullying go on in my life or the lives of those around me. Here goes.

I will do everything in my power to educate and guide my child  in a direction that prevents him from ever being mean, unkind, or insensitive.

Should Ben ever be accused of bullying, I will NOT look the other way and pretend it's not happening. I will NOT allow it to continue. 

I will not let anyone bully me in my career, social life, family life, or any other situation. I will stand up for myself.

I will not stand by while anyone in my life is bullied. Be it a friend, family member, co-worker, I will stand up for them and give them the support they need.

Alright friends, who's with me? If you would like to make this pledge, please do so, and spread the word. I would love to hear your stories, or your thoughts. If you think there could be more added to this pledge, let me know. 

Ok, I'll get off my soap box now. Thanks again for listening :)

Bullying

This story is really getting to me.



When I was in Grade 7, I was bullied. There was no Facebook back then, or Internet for that matter, so I'm sure it was nothing compared to what goes on today. But, it was hell. A group of girls, led by one particular horrible girl, were mean to me every single day. I was small, nerdy, I had horrible teeth (still do, ugh), and they wanted me to feel terrible I guess.

I remember getting calls to my house, every day, every night. Threats that I would be followed home. Nasty notes put in my locker. I remember being so scared to go to school, but also so scared to NOT go to school, because sometimes that was worse.

The thought of being out at the mall or something and seeing them made me feel nauseous. I couldn't sleep, I was 13 and I had crazy anxiety related insomnia. Looking back on my life, it was the absolute worst thing I've ever experienced.

It lasted about a year, and then I guess it just got old for those girls. Through high school I got over it, and didn't think much about them ever again. But during that time, it was debilitating.

Perhaps they thought it was all a joke. But the threat of them hurting me scared me beyond words. I was soooo young. I didn't understand why they could be so mean. I still don't.

Those women are still out there, now my age, and I would LOVE to know how they feel when they see things like this. I wonder, are you sorry? Do you think it was no big deal? 

I know how Amanda Todd felt, and I am so sad that this happened to a poor innocent girl who didn't know how to handle what she fell victim to. Shame on the people that did this to her. To all of us.

People often feel helpless when they know of young people in these scenarios because they don't want you to call the school, or parents, but they want your help still. Every situation is different, but I can tell you what happened for me and it's a perfect example of how a kind person can do something so small that can make a huge difference.

Recess was a particularly scary time for me, because I felt like anything could happen out there for that hour. Sounds stupid, but it's true. The ladies who monitored lunch break just hung out together smoking cigarettes (thanks ladies) so that didn't help. But, one teacher noticed what was happening and approached me. We didn't talk about what was going on. She simply said to me "I am looking for someone to help me get things ready for classes in the afternoon. I need someone to give up their whole lunch every day. Would you like to help me?"

It was like my prayers had been answered. I had this little safe haven to go to every day for the rest of the year. I folded papers happily and ate my lunch in peace. No scary recess to worry about. One less thing.

I guess the point is, people can help, you just have to find a way to do it in a way that doesn't aggravate the situation. I hope and pray that Ben never has to face people like this. And to the people out there who are the bullies, shame on you. You are the worst.

Image via National Post