Almost three months and almost three years.

Over the next few days, Sawyer will be three months old, and Ben will be three years old. YEARS. How on earth we got through three years so quickly I'll never know. Is it weird that I still feel like a new mom? Where's all my mom wisdom? When do I get really good at this?

Being a Mom has been the best thing that ever happened to me, but if I'm being honest, it's been really, really hard for me too. I always wanted to be that mom sitting on the floor singing songs with her babies in a cute dress looking great and wearing lipstick. Ya, no. We sing a lot in this house, but the rest isn't quite so cute. Not on most days anyway. I wear leggings (aka the new track pants) 24/7 and there is always, always baby spit up on my shoulder. And there is lipstick in this house somewhere, but Ben's hidden it on me. I miss you Ruby Woo.

I feel like it will always be a learning process. Every day something new to figure out. Having two is especially tricky. I mean, how on earth do moms get their babies to sleep with crazy three year olds running around playing with their super loud fire truck toy? And why does Ben always always want to play with his musical instruments when Sawyer is finally starting to settle? ALWAYSSSS. 

Obstacles aside, having these two boys is such a special thing. I want so badly to be a good mom to them, and many days I fail miserably. But I'm trying, so maybe that's enough? Is that all any parent is ever doing? 

One of the biggest things that I've learned is that our expectations of parenthood are so completely different than the reality, and you can never prepare yourself for it. You just have to throw yourself in and see what happens. And never ever ever get yourself into the mindset that being a parent will look like it does in magazines or on blogs or on tv. So much of what we see doesn't represent the real day to day life with little ones. I wish it did! I wish I had time to wash and blowdry my hair on ALL THE DAYS. I wish Billy and I could take off to Toronto and see concerts and drink beer until the wee hours like we used to. But there will be a time for that again. I wish that life looked like the videos on Love Taza. Man those people are doing is ALL right. (Or so it seems, of course). At least she has lipstick on!

Billy and I actually had a really good long talk about this earlier and it was such a good reminder of the fact that we still have time for so much! There are stages to life and not every can happen in every stage. Right now our time is focused on getting these little boys through their first few years. But things will change, and we will have our independence again, and we will miss this time terribly.

And so. For now, we focus on our little family, trying to keep everyone healthy and happy and connected. Trying to soak up these quick years with the two kindest little souls we've ever known. And trying to be the best parents we can be.

Anyway, I'm getting all weepy thinking about how old Ben is and how I'll never rock him to sleep again and how soon he will stop letting me kiss him 563284 times a day. Birthdays are weird when it's your own kid! So I guess I better put the laptop away and get back to stuffing loot bags for the kids who are coming to celebrate with him. I'm hoping loot bags haven't changed so much that they're expecting iPhones or something. Sorry kids, you're getting the same dollar store crap that I got and loved as a child. ;)